


At That Time

by Pomelofangirl



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-26
Updated: 2014-04-26
Packaged: 2018-01-20 21:54:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1527077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pomelofangirl/pseuds/Pomelofangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were on this side all along.<br/>They always were.<br/>You knew that they wanted to make you happy, of course.<br/>But they had his feelings in mind from the beginning. Probably because they were his friends from high school and they knew him better than you ever did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At That Time

**Author's Note:**

> Yes hello I am actually posting a fic.  
> Thanks for Hanatsuki for beta reading.  
> Also it's written in a second point of view.

They were on this side all along.

They always were.

You knew that they wanted to make you happy, of course.

But they had his feelings in mind from the beginning. Probably because they were his friends from high school and they knew him better than you ever did.

Maybe because Makoto knew him better than you, and deep inside you were aware of it.

Maybe because you wanted to know… no, be able to decipher and know what is on Haru’s mind when he is quiet and turns his head away from you whenever you say anything.

Or was he the one you just wanted to be happy?

You knew that you loved him the most in the world and everyone seemed to know that too. Just by looking at how you two interact, they knew that you wanted to be something more than a friend to Haruka.

Makoto was the first who noticed it. So he called you the same day, to talk about it and he seemed happy for you. He was sure that Haru feels the same way “even though he doesn’t show it, you know how he is.”

And you… you were relieved after that conversation. You had a feeling that now it will go well, it’s just to take the chance and use it to confess your feelings for the guy that you thought about since you were twelve.

Because if Makoto says it’s going to go great, then it will. It seemed to light a green light to your actions and you just wanted to do it.

At that time, you thought that Makoto actually had the ability to read Haru’s mind.

This is why you ignored Haruka’s feelings from the beginning. 

Maybe that is what put a start to every other event that emerged from this day on.

You hand no idea that since the relay… no, since the time you came back from Australia, back into their lives, Makoto wasn’t able to predict Haruka’s thoughts anymore.

How could you have known that? It wasn’t like anyone told you.

Maybe if Nagisa would have been the first one you asked, everything would have gone better than it did.

The little blonde guy was the second to notice anyway.

He was less mysterious about it and dragged you to the side of the pool after the practice. (Along with Rei of course because these two were impossible to meet one by one since they started dating.) And he asked you the same question that the bespectacled teenager did, when you first met.

But Nagisa was Nagisa and was more blunt about it, like he is with everything except his own feelings.

“Do you love Haru-chan?” he was thoughtful when he asked it and it surprised you.

“Isn’t that obvious? It seems like everybody noticed except the water addicted guy. But yeah you could say I do.” You were so embarrassed to say it aloud that you just wanted to get on with it and go away from them.

“Nah, it’s not that obvious like you think it is. I have no idea how he will respond to that so you should be careful when you admit it.” 

“What do you mean? Makoto said that Haru would feel the same so if he knows what’s going on in Haru’s head then…”

“See… the thing is that he doesn’t know. Maybe he doesn’t want to feel like the fifth wheel under the wagon or he wants you to stop thinking about it. He really cares about the whole group and wants all of us to be friends. But what he doesn’t know is that when people in a group of friends have dated, then there is a risk of them breaking up and then even the group falls apart. It’s just what I want you to consider before you do anything. But if you two will be dating, then you are a matching pair and it will go great.” Nagisa said all that with a philosophical and absent minded tone and you didn’t take him that seriously.

“It’s important for you to consider his feelings. It might take time for him to give you an answer so don’t be upset if he does that.” Added Rei, and he was very serious about it.

“Yeah yeah, I understand. I will think this trough before I do anything. Thanks. Can I go now? ” You just wanted to get over with it and really go away from there. 

It’s not like you didn’t think about this every time you couldn’t fall asleep in your bed. That these feelings will eventually destroy what you already have going on, and your friendship with the other teammates. For if you were to break up with him, they would be on his side and you know that very well.

Even Nitori noticed that, some days later. It was when you were writing in your diary and he was studying at his desk. Suddenly, he didn’t pay attention to his books anymore and asked you.

“Are you dating Nanase-san yet?”

“What?” it wasn’t as if you just wrote how beautifully his blue eyes reflected the rainbow you made for him today.

“You were talking his name in your sleep yesterday night again. So I wonder if you finally admitted your feelings for him” Nitori said that as if this really was a nuisance to him and he wanted to get the two of you together right away.

“No. Do you think I have a chance with him?” you didn’t want to sound so full of hope but you did.

“You two seem to be good for one another but I’m wondering what his answer will be. It’s obvious that you don’t see a world without him and you love him very much. But my experience tells me that love exists between two people no matter how much the first loves and thinks about the other. It makes no sense if you will never admit it to him.” From this you knew that Nitori knows what he’s speaking about and something told you that it has to do with you.

“You mean you and me or that cute friend of the sister of mine that you can’t take your eyes of every time we’re visiting Iwatobi High?” you wanted to find a distraction from the topic of you and Nitori for you were aware that he had a crush on you once upon a time.

“Are you kidding? I knew that I have no chance to even compete with Nanase-san about you so I gave up. Don’t misunderstand I still admire you and you are somebody to look up to, but that’s all there is to it. I mistook these feelings for love and things are different now. Chigusa Hana is the only one I can think of. But you were really miserable before you reunited with Nanase-san and I don’t want to see it again. So that’s why I want you to sort out your feelings and ask yourself if it’s really love you feel for Nanase-san or just admiration because he swims so great. Of course I have no idea what you two have been through and how long you’ve felt this way for him but… I don’t want to see you sad anymore that’s it.”

“But why would you care about it?”

“You are really pathetic when you are crying.”

Right this moment you felt like throwing your diary at Nitori but you knew that he didn’t mean anything bad with this advice. If he is over his crush for you, you don’t know this till today.

You thought that at that time, everybody that knew you including Mikoshiba, Gou and your mother would talk to you about it because it was so obvious. And they just wanted to help.

Luckily Mikoshiba was busy with other things such as “How can I make Gou-kun notice me, and can you give me her number Rin?” club activities and other things you had no idea about.

But Gou was very interested in your love life and it was she who did something else than giving advice and tell you to “Think more about it”.

She actually took Haruka to a café and asked him what he thinks about you. 

During that chat, you were waiting in your room and couldn’t find a place for yourself. You went to and fro making almost a pace in the dorm floor wondering if this will work.

After a while you got a message from her, but you weren’t any wiser.

“You can try to confess to him. Good luck! ^^”

And you wondered why she sent this anyway. Try? 

“What do you mean try? Do you know what his answer is or not?” you typed this and your finger rested on the send button for a while. 

You didn’t send this because you knew what the answer would be.

“Ask him, not me I have no idea: P” or something like that.

So you went to his house.

No, you ran to him, you ran all you could until his house was in your sight. You went there and searched through every room to find him. You wondered where he could be. But he was nowhere to be found.  
Worried, you called Gou and asked if she knew where Haru was. She told you that he probably went home but she wasn’t sure.  
You decided to wait for him in front of his house. You waited for him, until it was dark outside, and after a while you saw him in the light of the twilight.

His hair was wet, so you guessed that he went to the pool after he parted with your sister.

He was a bit surprised to find you here, but you didn’t know if it was annoying for him. You never know what he thinks of you.

“So… you are in love with me.” He said it, without any distinguished emotion what so ever. He always does that.

You chuckled, a laugh that only he is able to get from you. You were probably very nervous.

“When did you notice this?”

“Ever since you placed red camellias when we buried our trophy, after the relay in elementary school. I googled the meaning of these flowers when I came home that day. It was you who admitted that it was romantic, isn’t it? ” He said calmly, without any accusation whatsoever but for you it was just another non-emotional sentence by Haruka Nanase.  
You had no idea what red camellias meant in flower language, you were too young for that. And you didn’t love him that much when you were twelve.

“Haru, I didn’t mean for it to be so serious back then…” _but I do now._ You wanted to add, but he interrupted you.

“I noticed that. Of course I did, you left us the day after this. You didn’t keep in touch didn’t even call even after you repeatedly asked for “Please give me your telephone number Nanase, we have to keep in touch when I will be away!” You could have called, but you didn’t say that you were at home that winter holiday even though you promised to tell us before your every visit. If I knew how miserable you were back then, then things would have been different. You left us… no, you left ME for four years and then come back but you are not the same Rin I knew. You didn’t know what you wanted and when you decided that you want to be friends again, you act as if nothing has changed. Tell me, how can I believe you when everyone around me says that “Rin surely likes you back!” but you make no effort to show it. ” He was desperate and when he finished saying this he looked deep into your eyes. You were reflected in the endless blue, but that intimidated you and you had no idea what to say.

You turned your face away from him and talked to your shoulder, barely saying anything hoping that he can hear and understand what it is you want.

“How can you believe me? Ask all the others who noticed that the only thing in my mind is “How can I confess this to Haru so that he can accept me?” Ask them if I show it for I sure do, when they come to me and wonder “What is it you want to do with Haruka anyway?” and isn’t it obvious? Isn’t it obvious that I love you the most in the whole world?” maybe it was a mistake that you didn’t look into his eyes when you said it. But you don’t know why you just couldn’t look at him.

“Exactly, Rin. It is not obvious. You think too much and instead of saying “Yes, I love you” you answer me with a question. If you are not sure of your feelings why do you bother anyway? Maybe one day you will learn to confess your feelings for real. As I should have done it once upon a time.” He started with confidence but the last sentence was said with regret. It was barely audible as if he was ashamed of admitting it.  
It’s then you realized that he is looking for something else, and you can’t give him what he asks you for.

“So it’s a no? You don’t love me?” without knowing that this could be fixed with three simple words, which is what he asked you for, you saw everything in dark colours. 

“I loved you. But maybe it wasn’t you I loved but an imagination of you. It took too much time and effort to get rid of these feelings so if you can take it… Yeah it’s a no. We can still be friends, very good friends but it’s all I can give you ” You could hear how all hope leaves him at that moment as if he knew that even if he phrases it so, you are not going to be friends. That you are going to go farther away from each other.

That is what you thought, anyway.


End file.
